The Hidden Childhood Roots of Adult Struggles
🎧 This blog is a summary of a deeper dive on the Let's Sit With This podcast. This episode is part 3 in the It Didn’t Look Like Trauma series
Click here to listen to the full episode.
As a quick review:
In Episode 1, we explored how attachment forms in childhood and how early bonds shape our nervous system and sense of safety.
In Episode 2, we talked about both trauma and attachment wounds — the big, obvious hurts and the quieter, harder-to-name experiences that still leave an imprint.
Today, we’re looking at what that means for you now.
How those early experiences — whether they were abuse, neglect, abandonment, or the ongoing absence of emotional safety — can shape your adult relationships, work, parenting, and the way you see yourself.
Even if your life feels stable and safe now, your nervous system may still react like it’s under threat. That’s not weakness or being “too sensitive.” It’s how your system learned to survive.
Patterns in Therapy I Often See
When these patterns show up, it’s almost always a sign we need to look closely at early family dynamics:
Frequently apologizing for having emotions
Hyper-independence or chronic co-dependence
Strong guilt about boundaries
Harsh self-criticism
Feeling responsible for other people’s feelings or problems
Anxiety or depression that hasn’t shifted with past therapy or medication
High achievement with no real end point
Staying in uncomfortable relationships
Overemphasizing how “loving” or “normal” your family was
Coping patterns that numb or disconnect you
These aren’t flaws. They’re strategies your younger self used to stay connected, safe, or in control.
How These Wounds Show Up in Adulthood
In relationships:
Anxious attachment: clinging, overanalyzing, panic if someone pulls away
Avoidant attachment: shutting down when things get close, avoiding emotional conversations
Disorganized attachment: craving connection but also pushing it away
At work:
Overworking or people-pleasing to feel safe
Constant imposter syndrome
Avoiding visibility to dodge criticism — or seeking it to prove worth
In parenting:
Feeling activated by your child’s emotions
Overcorrecting to be “nothing like” your own parents
Struggling to repair after conflict
In self-perception:
Believing you’re “too much” or “not enough”
Chronic self-doubt
Avoiding depending on anyone
Why We Minimize Our Own Wounds
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“Other people had it worse.”
“My parents were doing their best.”
“I turned out fine.”
Minimizing isn’t denial — it’s protection. If telling the truth about what hurt risks disconnection or shame, your system may downplay it to stay safe.
Where Healing Begins
Name what happened or didn’t happen
Notice your patterns without judgment
Practice safe connection with consistent, kind people
Repair when possible — with others and yourself
Work with a therapist who can help name and shift patterns
If this resonates, the full episode dives much deeper into these patterns, why they develop, and how to begin changing them. You can listen on the Podcast and read the earlier posts for Episodes 1 and 2.
