Inside the Healing Process: What It Really Takes to Heal Childhood Wounds
This post is part four in my series It Didn’t Look Like Trauma.
In Episode 1 we explored how attachment forms in childhood and how those early bonds shape our nervous system and our sense of safety.
In Episode 2 we named the quieter, invisible wounds that don’t always look like trauma but still leave an imprint.
In Episode 3 we looked at how those early wounds show up now—in your relationships, your work, your parenting, and the way you see yourself.
And today, we’re talking about what healing actually looks like.
Awareness is only part of the process. The real work is learning how to gently rewire your nervous system toward safety and connection.
Healing Takes More Than “Getting Over It”
One of the first questions I get in therapy is: “Why can’t I just get over this?”
The truth is, you can’t heal by ignoring the past or pretending it didn’t matter. Wounds don’t disappear when we cover them with band-aids of denial, distraction, or minimization. They stick around until we clean them out.
Healing is about bringing to the surface what still lives in your body and brain, and giving yourself new corrective experiences where you learn:
Connection is safe.
Your story will be believed.
You aren’t too much.
What happened—or didn’t happen—mattered.
My Foundational Goals in Therapy
Every therapist works differently, but in my office the work is long-term and deep. Most of my clients stay with me for two to three years or more, because real healing takes time.
Here are the core goals I hold for every client:
Connection. Therapy has to become a secure base—a place where you experience safety, repair, validation, and care. Sometimes, I’m the first person to really believe a client’s story, or the first person who doesn’t get mad when they make a mistake. That trust doesn’t happen overnight, but it’s the foundation of healing.
Emotional expression. Crying is not weakness—it’s a normal bodily function. It helps release stress hormones and activates the calming system in your body. Whether it’s one lone tear or a whole box of tissues, being able to express emotion in therapy is a powerful sign that old defenses are loosening and healing is happening.
Honest storytelling. Healing also means being able to talk about the past honestly. That includes naming neglect, abuse, missed needs, abandonment, and betrayal. This honesty allows us to understand how you coped back then, and why those strategies may not serve you now.
Healing Outside the Therapy Room
Therapy is only one or two hours a week. What about the other 166 hours? The work carries into real life.
Some of the key areas I check in on with clients include:
Nervous system regulation (grounding skills to calm anxiety, panic, or shutdown)
Thought patterns and negative core beliefs
Triggers that point to old pain still stored in the nervous system
Relationship skills like boundaries and healthy conflict
Practical self-care such as sleep, eating, movement, and medical needs
These daily practices ripple outward. As clients heal in therapy, they begin noticing real changes—in their bodies, their relationships, and their day-to-day lives.
The Path Is Not Linear
Healing doesn’t move in a straight line. I often describe it as hiking a mountain range: sometimes you climb, sometimes you descend into valleys, sometimes you hit switchbacks where it feels like no progress at all.
Clients often worry they’re “back at square one” when old patterns resurface. But once you’ve started healing, you can’t go back to the beginning. You can pause, wander down side paths, or even camp out for a while, but you can’t erase what you’ve already uncovered.
Healing is a marathon, not a sprint. And like any marathon, you need pacing, rest, and compassion for the moments you stumble.
What’s Next
This is the heart of what healing looks like: safe connection, emotional expression, honest storytelling, and daily practice. It’s not quick and it’s not perfect, but it’s real.
In the final episode of this series, Episode 5, we’ll bring it all together. We’ll talk about what healing makes possible, how to keep choosing connection, and how to carry this work forward in your everyday life.
If you want the deeper dive, you can listen to the full podcast episode here.
And remember: you don’t have to do this alone.
